There’s a story I’ve carried in my spine for over 40 years.
My father was with a woman named Ruth from the time I was about six until I was nearly a teenager. He was obsessed with her. He spent enormous amounts of money on her. But instead of owning that truth, he claimed I was the spoiled one. Publicly, I was the “indulged” child. Privately, I was just the excuse.
I know now that I was never spoiled. I was silent.
According to my father, I was born to take care of my mother—because her sister had broken her spine in a fit of rage. That became my job, my identity, my obligation. Not because I was capable, but because I was there. A child. Willing. Dutiful. I wanted to be good. I wanted to make things easier. I wanted to be what no one else was being.
But that was never mine to carry.
And my body knows it.
I’ve lived with many health issues—some invisible, some not. When I was young, they were often brushed off or spiritualized away. Now they’re undeniable. The tension, the stiffness, the strange fatigue, the pain in my spine—like I’ve been bracing for something since age six.
And maybe I have.
I’m writing this because I don’t want to hold the silence anymore. I want to speak—not just philosophically (which I’ve always done well)—but personally. Softly. Clearly. In a way that makes space for others to finally say: me too.
I think I survived all this by being a people-pleaser. It was my way of staying safe. Being useful. Being liked. And it worked… until it didn’t.
Now it’s different.
Now I want healing. Not just in my body, but in the story I carry inside it.
I’ve created Spirit Love Song™ to help others reconnect with divine love, even in seasons of deep physical or emotional pain. But to do that truthfully, I have to begin here:
I am not healed yet.
But I am healing.And if you’re also someone who’s been told to be quiet, be good, be useful—maybe this is your song too.
He restores my soul.
Even when the pain runs deep.
Even when the memory resurfaces in a CT scan room.
Even when it’s late, and I’m tired, and no one else understands.Thank you for being here.
Brigetta Margarietta, Creator of Spirit Love Song
